Dr. Lebowtiz and Community,
In Breaking Free of Childhood Anxiety and OCD and Treating Childhood and Adolescent Anxiety, you talk about overprotective, demanding, and supportive parenting approaches. The two variables that distinguish these types of approaches are acceptance of the child's experience vs no (or low) acceptance and confidence in the child's abilities vs no (or low) confidence. My questions are: Is there a parenting approach that is low in acceptance and low in confidence that is seen in clinical practice? If so, what would this type be called and what are the clinical implications? I am having a hard time imagining this type of parenting approach because it seems that parents who are low in confidence tend to be high in acceptance of the child's experience and overidentify with the child's experience. It seems that low confidence is contingent on high acceptance. Does that make sense?
Thanks,
Matthew Carlson
Yes. Another option for that would be a parent who is relatively disengaged from the child or their problem, and thus not really providing either acceptance of confidence.
Hi Matthew, and welcome to the forum! this is an interesting question. The styles described in the books capture the most common dynamics i encounter but others are also possible. Irena makes a good point about parents who may reject the idea that anxiety is at the root of the problem, but still see their child as less capable, and thus not be expressing confidence. A parent may see their child as 'immature', and have low expectations from them despite not having an accepting manner.
I think it's useful to also bear in mind the difference between what a parents thinks/believes etc. and what they express to the child explicitly. The treatment focuses on modifying both, but what is being communicated to the child can sometimes differ to an extent from what a parent may think. This can creat a dissonance that may end up looking like the low-low style you're describing (though i would expect some of the actual beliefs to seep into the actual communication as well)
Hi Matthew, just pondering here. What about parents who are not accepting their child's behaviour, diagnosis, etc and they don't have confidence in their child's ability or their own. Those parents are usually in a state of helplessness, looking towards others for help, but not really believing that anyone can. I'm not sure if this would qualify as a 'parenting style' or rather a state. I think I met parents like that and they are very challenging group to work with.