We have custody of our 14 year old grandson who is neurodivergent. High functioning ASD and ADHD. He came to live with us in 2019 after years of family dysfunction, alcoholism and finally his parents divorced and weren't able to care for him. Then the pandemic.
He now won't take his mask off in public. Won't even show his friends at school his face. It is not because of fear of germs. He told me he doesn't want anyone seeing his face. He only let's us see it at home. He has a few friendsbut has lagging social skills. Also he started wearing a headand covering his eyebrows and never takes it off except in the shower. Won't allow us to see his eyebrows. Also will not ever take his socks off in front of anyone. That issue started about a year or 2 before the mask and headband situation. He used to enjoy swimming but now can't because he can't let anyone see his feet. I thought he would just get over all because of what peers would think. He said he would take his mask off on the last day of school last year. But the more the kids bugged him and kept asking to see his face the more he refused and never did. We homeschooled the first part of this school year because his mental health was getting pretty bad last year. He's back in school now on a hybrid schedule and he still won't show his face. We want him to get a summer job next summer when he's 15. Seems like he needs to work through this issue. I need help figuring out what this is. Treatment cant happen if we don't know what it is. He refuses to talk to a counselor and gets mad when we try to talk about it.
I have an appointment scheduled with a pediatrician in a few weeks to maybe get an evaluation. He's not on any medication he won't even consider it. What should we do?
One would need to check out the accommodation you are possibly unwittingly engaging in that enables the behaviours to continue and systematically reduce them e.g. are we washing masks for him are we supplying them etc and lots more. for ASD and ADHD talk less, go slow, show and emphasis to ensure processing and visual schedules such as apps on phone or just plain old paper ones or diaries are good to increase flexibility.